Dad Tip #9: Groomsmen should be drafted like the NFL

Fun fact kids, back in the early days, the groomsmen were actually the bride’s bodyguards. For an event this big, you need players in skill positions.

Here are five reasons this idea is a game-changer:

1. First, you need to select a great quarterback, AKA the best man, who has pocket presence on the dance floor when encountering a wine-infused bridesmaid bringing a nasty corner blitz.
2. Then you want to draft at least five big uglies – you know, 6’7’’, weighing in at about 320 lbs to protect the wedding party from any rowdy guests who were pregaming in the church parking lot.
3. Then consider snagging an elite defensive back with fast twitch muscles who runs a sub 4.40 in case the bride gets cold feet and decides to bolt for the door.
4. And who will get the groom’s drinks at the reception? You need a power-house running back, a brawny brawler, a freight train, rumblin’ stumblin’ bumblin’ his way back through the crowd without spilling a drop.
5. And lastly, consider drafting a kicker and a punter for the ushers… they have just one job to do… one job.

Omaha… Omaha…

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26 weeks to the wedding